Personal GrowthRelationship

What Experts Say on – 6 Ways To Resolve Conflicts In A Relationship

1 Mins read
What Experts Say on – 6 Ways To Resolve Conflicts In A Relationship

Jay Shetty

Jay Shetty is an author, a former monk, and a life coach. He hosts a wildly popular podcast called ‘On Purpose’ which has around 64 million downloads. He covers various areas of life like relationships, career, mental health, etc in his podcasts. He has spent three years in an ashram living like a Vedic monk in Mumbai. He has written a book by the name ‘Think like a Monk' based on the experiences he amassed during his time in Mumbai. He has a massive following on Instagram and Twitter, and he keeps imparting valuable wisdom and life hacks via videos and podcasts.

Many people have this illusion that relationships are supposed to be all rainbows and butterflies. But that is an unrealistic notion. You are not Gods, you’re mere humans. Romantic relationships start to crumble under the burden of being perfect. Conflicts are bound to arise but what determines the strength of your bond is how you tackle them. Jay Shetty shares 6 ways to resolve these in one of his insightful ‘On Purpose’ podcasts. Let’s go through them one by one.

DEFINING NO-FLY ZONES

Jay Shetty describes No-Fly zones as areas of life that may be uncomfortable to talk about. Discussing topics like money, religion, ex-partners, finances can lead to difficult conversations. In order to keep the peace, some couples may avoid bringing these topics up altogether. But that’ll never lead to a deep connection. You will be floating on the surface, never really diving deep and exploring troubling arenas of your relationship. You will always share a two-dimensional bond with your partner if you don’t touch upon the No-fly zones. So how do you discuss these conflicting topics with your partner without it turning into a full-blown screaming contest? Jay outlines 6 ways of achieving this.

 

  • STEP 1 – TALK

Both you and your partner should address a problem as a no-fly zone and be willing to talk it out. If one of you is in denial or unaware of the said problem, the other one cannot force them to confront it. There has to be an honest effort on both sides to tackle the arising concerns. If your partner refuses to deal with an issue or is gaslighting you, you need to decide whether that is something you can live with.
  • STEP 2- CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT TO COMMUNICATE

Once you’ve decided to bring up a particular matter, you need to ensure that you both are on board. Have the difficult conversation when you’re calm, free of work-related stress and clear-headed. Get out of your routine, take a weekend trip if you want. Remember to always encourage honest communication, even if that brings discord in its wake. Solving conflicts in a relationship is like peeling an onion. Once you are done resolving one, the next arises. And that’s okay because uncomfortable conversations increase comfort in the long run.
  • STEP 3 – FRAME THE ISSUE IN A POSITIVE WAY

Do not play the blame game while you’re arguing. Realize that it’s not you against your partner, but it’s both of you against the problem. If you’re too busy shifting the blame between each other, you will never make any improvement. The aim of these difficult conversations is to arrive at a harmonious solution, not to prove your perspective correct over another’s. You both have to operate as a unit and the result can only be win-win or lose-lose. You can’t declare yourself a winner if your partner loses. That’s not the point here.
  • STEP 4 – REMEMBER WHAT’S IMPORTANT

If things get too nasty while a situation is brought up, go back to the reasons why you got together in the first place. Bring to memory everything you love about them; their kindness, the sound of their laughter, their compassion. Jay Shetty advises making a list of 3 things you adore in your partner. Reflect on them when things aren’t going so well. Remember to stick together through thick and thin and not give up at the first sign of discomfort.
  • STEP 5 – LISTEN

Listening is the golden key that opens the doors to human relationships. You should listen to understand, not to respond. It’s important that you give their side of the story enough attention so they feel understood. As humans, we can only be conscious of how we perceive reality. But when you listen to someone with your heart, they’re truly letting you in on their perception of reality. This will aid in getting a better picture of what you both need to be working on.
  • STEP 6 – GET THIRD-PARTY HELP

In a relationship, we’re too swept away by emotions to let our logical side take over. You must know when it is the right time to seek some intervention. A third party can offer you an objective opinion on things that you failed to notice on your own. They can catalyze and adjunct conflict resolution between you and your partner. They hold you accountable and make you work on your relationship.   Now that you have some pointers about how to deal with discordances in your relationship, don’t hold back. Be vulnerable; give your all in. Bare your soul to your partner if you ever hope of having a connection that isn’t just skin-deep. “The more you’re willing to listen to your partner, and to be honest and vulnerable with them, the more you increase the chances for long term success and happiness in your relationship”, quotes Jay Shetty.

CORRESPONDENT: SAKINA SABIR

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